Sunday, March 7, 2010

Always full, always empty.

"I should stand up for myself, but I'm getting too fat for my own good. I'm not growing, I'm not getting bigger, I'm getting heavier and I move slower. All the rejection and all the times I'm wrong seem to collect and add to me. For that, I gain and I gain. I'll always accept I can not do right by anyone's side, and with that I'll bring them down too. I have no will, and surely can not fight, I can not think correct to save my life. I set a noose only to look at it, and think about it, I know it's there, and there's something for me out there. I don't know what pushes me enough when I reach the end of it, I'm too slow, I'm too fat, I'm too lazy to end it."

Thursday, February 25, 2010

You will never be the same.

"Goodbye to the old days, your wonder bids you farewell. Innocence has yet to return and we fear that it may never resurface. They've all managed to push it underneath the soil, and you'll have to dig for years. You're being pushed around as they gang around in numbers too high, bring your expectations to lows. Set nothing for nothing, expect nothing, be nothing. You're not quite a clean slate, you're time to be someone is too late. You'll never be able to love again."

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Warm stretch.

"The drugs are separating all the addicts. They're all coming back together though under different intents. He's now friends with him, and she's now friends with him. I remember them from way back when. Their child is in the living room while they're shooting heroin. Don't think I don't know what you've done. Closeted interests spoil half the fun. Chasing dreams gets a bit difficult when you can't run. You will freeze over, you are the stillness inside a needle. You are the calm before the pressure, and you subside like the feeling. What you are, what I'm not, greater than the experience. Above it all when you're laying on your back, underneath your old skin. You shed a wet blanket to catch a cold in. It's always cold, and you're always sick, now's your time to pretend to go home again."

Shake responsibility off.

"You try to bring as many people into your life as you can. Though you can barely keep yourself in tact. Why try to care for someone so deeply, When you choose to make the decisions that you do? You'll lose your mind, forget about the time, wake up forgotten and get on with your life. And yes, inbetween the dark spots, you still don't know. Inbetween the dark spots, are the things that you wouldn't ever want surfaced. Oh at the cost of fun how you'll ruin your life, though it's not quite ruined for you. Take advantage of yourself, cry out for help, turn around and blame on somebody else. You tend to be selective when you want to think about the ones you love. You'll pick and chose what's self-destructive and what it means to you. Go out on your own, turn off your phone, and blame it on bad timing."

Don't say those things.

"No one likes you when you wear your heart on your sleeve, but I don't like anyone so I could care less what they think. Stop staring, you're making me uncomfortable. Stop talking, you're not helping. When you touch me, I squirm. You came at the worst possible time. You give your best and your best certainly isn't enough, but I don't have anything else. No one is forcing the gun from my head, I could always go ahead. It's something you'll get over, I think. It's something you need to get over if you want me to be happy. They'd rather hold me down and pry my eyes open to see the life I don't want to live anymore instead of letting me go. I just need to let myself go, this is something I have to do for myself. All this guilt is weighing me down and I need to cut my own leg off to unwrap it all from me. Wait till you get home, there's so much more they want you to see. So much more you've had enough of. I need a push, there is an end, and it's there if I want it."

Sunday, December 13, 2009

More than once; everytime.

"Writing in your diary while you're talking, you've managed to let conversations slip through the pages. Hands smudged with ink, and your head is in two places at once. Leather bound and withering away, losing interest from seeing it every single day. Don't you want something new? Though you've invested so much into what you've made. You know it would last if you let it, you just don't like how it looks. So what's more important to you now-a-days? You have a split, so will you separate the binding? You use it to feel whole again, and it starts to crack, with the worst timing. This one's glowing, and you're looking. Everyone knows it, but they've all used it. To ignore the hearse, and give in to what they'll say, is it worth it? I have my way with words and when it's read, they know. If it's read too much, then they don't read enough. Do I take the understanding or aesthetics, do I want contempt or discredit?"

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

This is one more sleepless night because we...

"Car shut off, now I can't go home. Push it from behind, down the side of the road. It's a quarter past two and just below freezing, clouds of disappointment surround my breathing. Why can't I get a break? How long will this take? Will I be poor for the rest of my life, or will I relive every mistake. Maybe it's what I'm not, and now I have to pay. I wish you were in the backseat, so I could have my way. I'm cold and my phone just died, looks like I won't be talking to you tonight."

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Well you just sit there.

"People live their lives with the purpose to upset me I feel at times. When they speak their mind, or express their emotions, it always finds its way to ruin me from the inside out. Who you're draped on this year, and who you're falling for the next, I still manage to fall apart. It's who've you met, and the person you've grown to become. It's the tired eyes I've grew weary of after seeing the same old, I would kill for something new. I would kill to have my name mouthed with the intent of good. I'm not one many seem to want to mention, I would kill for that type of attention."

Thursday, November 19, 2009


"Hanging from the rafters with the noose around your neck, they're surrounded at your feet dragging you down by your legs. You've surfaced and they climb, they rip apart whatever you once wore. You're being defiled and they pick you apart from the inside-out. You don't know how it feels, you won't ever know what it's like to be that violated ever again. They all claw at your flesh because they're animals. You were falsely accused and put to death, and yet, you'll never face the end of it all. You're now the trash on the side of the street. Exposed bones, your body has nowhere to go, and you are left alone."

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I'd say July.

"I like the nothingness of a Carolina, one of those times where you want to sit with the a/c on all day. When you walk to the store to get what you want, and don't really want to go back out. A pools a luxury, when the beach is not in reach. You see the heat rise from the pavement, you see the palm trees and you know you're not at home anymore. You let the sun settle under your skin, and you let the cool breezes catch up to you because you don't let this type of satisfaction go to waste. Who needs a place to stay when you could be outside all day? It's something I need, I want to be caught up in the boring midst of everyday life, while doing nothing at all. I want to watch the cars go by while I have nowhere to really go. It's a permanent summer day that I want to relive over and over."

Thursday, October 29, 2009

My god, when will it end?

"Dead friends, I have dead friends. The kind of ones you never get back again. I can't really say goodbye, or hello, because I haven't left."

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The nights get so long and cold, the fewer places we can go.

"I'm having myself at my best, this current moment being one of them. I'm proud of what I've done, and so ashamed as well. Do I have good intentions anymore? Are you who I think you are? Or will I just make you who I want to be? You don't seem to understand that I can't really grasp who I am. It feels so great, and I feel so wrong, I can never be one with myself. It's a crooked way of life, one that makes you wish you never lived again. One that makes you realize you can't live any other way. My actions are the glue that binds me from where I really want to go. There is not too much direction because I've lead everyone else to follow. Where the road stops and you're just not good enough, you pull out and go to sleep. When the sheets are stained dry and you wake up in her bed, you get dressed and drive far away. Take the highway as fast as the car can go so you can try to catch up with the self you want to be. No gas can ever take back who you were."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Strange days.

"There are times when I want to rip apart my face, and then there are times I wish to not. I usually settle for resting my face inbetween my hands because I'm far too drained to move. These are the moments that weight me down, that wear me down, that maim me. The words speak louder than the actions when you're weak, you only hurt yourself, and you have no one to protect. You're your own, friend or enemy, you are your own. Head swimming with thoughts of nothing, the white noise deafens you, and you just want a way out. Claw your way inside and pry for an end, you're only hurting yourself all over again."

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's really laughable ah-ha ha-ha-ha ha.

"There's nothing clever in the way you act, the things you say are all rehashed. You trade off pre-written lines with one another, and you claim your own. How can you be yourself when you can not speak for yourself? When every other line you speak is from some other, far more creative than you. The more you listen, and the more you read, will not make you anymore like who you want to be. A hardhearted fan sits in the balcony, eyes filled with passion as they watch the way he moves, and the way he sounds from afar. This is not you, you excuse yourself from it all because you think you understand. Though with a head so big, and a mind so narrow, there's no one to tell you different. And I'm sorry, I truly am, for you having to be the way you are. I'm sorry, I truly am."

Friday, September 4, 2009

Hello, it's me. You shouldn't be expecting anybody.

"Attention's what I seek, attention's what I crave. It's what I need and you need to give it to me. I love someone with their head in their hands because I make them weak. I love to break people down to the point where they'll grovel at my feet. I see nothing wrong in my actions, because I don't care. I just need someone to unwind at because I suffocate from time to time, being so wrapped up in myself. I'm not yours, never was. You may of thought so, but that's your own fault. I am myself, and I can be anyone's if I please. I'll leave you confused and frustrated, but you brought that on yourself. You can stay, you can leave, I just know that you can never live without me."

The root of all...

"My stomach sinks when I think, and I lose all appetite. You managed to bring everything down, whether you're here or you're home, it never stops.You're the reason why I can't quite sleep right. You're every single excuse for why I'll stay in every single night. Everything I called my own, I gave to you in one way or another, you may not have it, but you know you took it. You could of gave it away, because you didn't want to hold it. You could of forgot about rent and had to of sold it. I'm lost, and you're blind, when we're together we're wasting our time. We'll talk later."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pacific Standard Time.

"Will you be my vampire, doll?
We'll stay up all night, and sleep through the dawning light.
Once bitten, now I'm never turning back.
You have my blood on your lips,
Fatally indebted as a matter of fact.
Your Snow White skin, pale and cold,
Dead black hair, and dead blue eyes, sure have a hold,
On me, wide-eyed and ready.
For the rest of our lives, never ending."

Friday, August 28, 2009

In My Life, Why Do I?

"Find someone and put them in your back pocket, save it for a rainy day. Wait until the one you once loved goes away. Pull out your list and pick and chose who you please, and start all over again. You have no problems with discarding people like cards, you have problem bringing them all in like cards as well. You are the one to push, you are the one to take, and you are the one to leave. You take pride in this, and for that, you are cruel. There is nothing good to come out of it, for you are selfish. We as humans are stupid, so we follow, like flies to a light, and we fall, like flies to a light."

Pre-death realization.

"When I speak up, you shove your voice down my throat, and I choke. I stand to be kicked in the back of the knees. Who needs confidence when you know when it falls on deaf ears. What good is yourself when you are of no use to anyone? What is the point of tired efforts of trying, when no one wants you to love yourself. Why should I love myself when I know I'm incompatible? The spirit is a mere fabrication, only made to be broken. Hope is mere fiction, only to be disproved. Esteem is a mere outlet, for everyone else. Running low, running so low. When everyone is nothing but a mere figure, a stand in the background of everything, life loses it's importance. I don't care about myself, or anyone else."

Where am I?

"I've grown so worn down that I've forgot what love is. You filed me down, and the rest of me went with the wind. This is the rest of me, this is what is left of myself. You see, you always could tell, you always know what you're doing. Taking advantage of what? I don't know. I don't know what you can gain from me, I don't seem to be of much help these days. What do I do, that makes me different from whomever you've spoken to? You can't answer that with a straight face. Mine's been going blue for the past few weeks, choking slowly, and accepting what's ahead."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Well tell them this;

"I'm corrupted by normality, it's been giving me spots in my vision from controlling my reality. I'm getting adapted to the same old feeling, going through the same old emotions. I'm lead to experience, excite, disappoint and accept misery. What do I do when I'm too worn down to want to continue again? I'm corrupted by sex, it's been making me numb. When I excite, I relieve and then I don't care anymore. It blurs my perception on love, it stunts my growth on maturity, and you fuel. You are no better, you are nothing short of ordinary."

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Days of permanence.

"In a way I'm numb, so I feel like nothing. In a way I'm nothing, but don't call me that. It could be said that I don't care, as well as it could be said that you care far too much. I could pretend like you don't, but who's the one to get ahead of their-self? I watch you, from a distance of course, and I notice the way you break. I can see your wall dissipate, I can hear your being separate. What have you molded into? This love has surely taken the best of you. It seems you have broken off the key inside of the lock, jumped the gun and now regret. Fish in between the cracks, break your nails for the rest. Too far in to take out now, this is the life you chose. In a way I'm numb, but I can still laugh."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

And it doesn't

"Well honey this is what I like to call the real world. This is something you don't understand. This is life in it's purest form, don't you get it? When I strung you high from the skyline it was only to see how you fit in with the city lights. I don't know if you stick out in the right way. Go back to your room and think about your days. Learn from your mistakes and place the proper blame. Until you bend to break, rebuild, maim."

Monday, August 10, 2009

It's slows down a bit.

"I don't know what it is anymore.
When one could ask me how I feel,
I would simply just not reply.
This is a standstill, a low in my life.
Never before, I pray never again.
Is it me, or is it everyone else?
Am I better here, or nowhere at all?
These questions fill my mind every day.
Now when I go to sleep, I don't feel the need to awake.
Though I do, for some reason or another.
It makes less and less sense by the day.

What happens when the chains are broken and you're in a corner?
You will lie down and you will accept your fate.
What happens when you torture, because you cannot feel?
You will lie down and you will accept your fate.
What happens when you pry your fingers into every crevasse,
Blow wind in the eyes of,
Scream in the ear of,
Destroy the being of,
You will wake up and change your ways."

Sunday, August 9, 2009


"I can't think anymore, no I can't. I wrap myself up and I put myself to sleep from running around my thoughts. No one to pass them along, no one to pick me up. Sidelines stare of course, they'll look away when they've had their share. I break my legs, I scrape my knees, and eat the pavement. Everyone is bigger, I'm only human. I feel in inches, I talk in inches, I am an inch. Towers of you, inch by inch, the smaller I become. You are the crowd, you surround, you are everywhere. I want to collapse, I await my weakening, I accept who I am."