"I should stand up for myself, but I'm getting too fat for my own good. I'm not growing, I'm not getting bigger, I'm getting heavier and I move slower. All the rejection and all the times I'm wrong seem to collect and add to me. For that, I gain and I gain. I'll always accept I can not do right by anyone's side, and with that I'll bring them down too. I have no will, and surely can not fight, I can not think correct to save my life. I set a noose only to look at it, and think about it, I know it's there, and there's something for me out there. I don't know what pushes me enough when I reach the end of it, I'm too slow, I'm too fat, I'm too lazy to end it."
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
"Goodbye to the old days, your wonder bids you farewell. Innocence has yet to return and we fear that it may never resurface. They've all managed to push it underneath the soil, and you'll have to dig for years. You're being pushed around as they gang around in numbers too high, bring your expectations to lows. Set nothing for nothing, expect nothing, be nothing. You're not quite a clean slate, you're time to be someone is too late. You'll never be able to love again."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
"The drugs are separating all the addicts. They're all coming back together though under different intents. He's now friends with him, and she's now friends with him. I remember them from way back when. Their child is in the living room while they're shooting heroin. Don't think I don't know what you've done. Closeted interests spoil half the fun. Chasing dreams gets a bit difficult when you can't run. You will freeze over, you are the stillness inside a needle. You are the calm before the pressure, and you subside like the feeling. What you are, what I'm not, greater than the experience. Above it all when you're laying on your back, underneath your old skin. You shed a wet blanket to catch a cold in. It's always cold, and you're always sick, now's your time to pretend to go home again."
"You try to bring as many people into your life as you can. Though you can barely keep yourself in tact. Why try to care for someone so deeply, When you choose to make the decisions that you do? You'll lose your mind, forget about the time, wake up forgotten and get on with your life. And yes, inbetween the dark spots, you still don't know. Inbetween the dark spots, are the things that you wouldn't ever want surfaced. Oh at the cost of fun how you'll ruin your life, though it's not quite ruined for you. Take advantage of yourself, cry out for help, turn around and blame on somebody else. You tend to be selective when you want to think about the ones you love. You'll pick and chose what's self-destructive and what it means to you. Go out on your own, turn off your phone, and blame it on bad timing."
"No one likes you when you wear your heart on your sleeve, but I don't like anyone so I could care less what they think. Stop staring, you're making me uncomfortable. Stop talking, you're not helping. When you touch me, I squirm. You came at the worst possible time. You give your best and your best certainly isn't enough, but I don't have anything else. No one is forcing the gun from my head, I could always go ahead. It's something you'll get over, I think. It's something you need to get over if you want me to be happy. They'd rather hold me down and pry my eyes open to see the life I don't want to live anymore instead of letting me go. I just need to let myself go, this is something I have to do for myself. All this guilt is weighing me down and I need to cut my own leg off to unwrap it all from me. Wait till you get home, there's so much more they want you to see. So much more you've had enough of. I need a push, there is an end, and it's there if I want it."