Enter; self destruction.

"If this isn't what you had planned, then I don't know what you expect from me. A night of unwanted advances, a night of assumed romance. You and I had ideas, and wanted to go somewhere far. Instead we settled for disappointing one another. "Is this your first time?" is what I had heard, and failed to acknowledge. I walk amongst the same road nearly every week, another partner is another figure, and nothing more to me. Ever since I lost the only thing worth keeping in memory, it's been nothing but abuse. My body goes one way as my mind goes another, and they conflict. It leads me to regret, and I can't help but punish myself. I need to be stable, I need to be controlled, but I have no hold, nothing to weigh me down."