A few hundred miles back in your mind.

"Underpack and oversleep,
Rush your day and spend the night with me.
No rules and it sounds good like that.
Wake up to something you can't take back.
Hum in your mind, whistle to yourself.
Here a voice in the back of your mind,
And if you choke, make sure to swallow
Down every rationale thought.
All the clothes he bought,
And every minute of happiness.
Oh how time flies at our expense."

When it's dire, you're too tired.

"Every now and then I get reminded about all the bad things that have happened. It comes when you're at your lowest and you can feel it in all senses. You push it out of your mind because you think you're mentally fit, but it comes around again. You can even smell it when you least expect it, and you can see it every time you close your eyes. If it had a taste you'd starve yourself for days. Instead you stay in bed, lie awake, and prey for sleep. You're too tired to scream so you let it happen it your head. You're too tired to go on so you prey for the end. It's the people who wouldn't love you back, it's the burning house you almost slept through, it's the times where the future is too long to wait for. Impatience sets in and you're anxious, and you're too tired to stay alive."

We have a lot in common, you and I.

"You said that I make you feel worthless,
Well I really couldn't argue that.
Turn up the radio to drown you out,
Your voice is starting to get too loud.
You seem to love complaining.
Well I'm guilty of that myself,
But aren't you tired of talking?
Shut up.

Disconnect opportunity.
And pick apart what you'd do to me.
As if we couldn't get any further,
Your self-esteem isn't getting any stronger.

Oh I get it.
You're sexually frustrated.
Oh I get it.

Hearing you moan,
On the other side of the telephone,
Is really overwhelming.
Hearing you do this to yourself.

Run around my life and undo ties,
I'm starting to enjoy it.
Or see your life through blood shot eyes,
You're so pathetic.

Oh I get it.
You're sexually frustrated.
Oh I get it.
I'm sorry.

No one exists when I'm by myself,
No one exists,
No one else."

Good for you.

"I paid for a functioning suicide machine, not years of nightmarish dreams. Congratulations, you have killed the child inside of me. You have stripped me of any mental stability. I am grateful, for I am adult now, it is safe to say that I'm now in a real world. I now think like you, act like you, aspire like you, I will be you. We copy and we manipulate to achieve anything for success, we measure it by how everyone else does. We ruin it for everyone else in order to proceed with our lives. We are uninterrupted, and relaxed. We are normal."

We can dream.

"We lay beside another and stayed up through the morning, fell asleep in the afternoon, and had the night to ourselves. We lived like vampires, and the night was ours, nothing could stop you and I. You were so pale, and I was more alive than ever before. We put up the shades to keep the sun away, when we sleep through the day. We took comfort in the stale warm projection from our television, we were content with one another, nothing else mattered. I had your soul in my hand, we held on tight, and you gave me everything. Near death on the inside, but we are the only thing keeping each other alive."

April 3rd, you're still alone.

"You're now chain smoking cigarettes, because you know just as well as I do, what you've done. You act nervous but it doesn't help your case, I still refuse to give you the time of day. I did not make you the way you are, you did this to yourself. I did not choose to end up with you, you did that to me. Hug your toliet seat, it'll be the only friend that won't get up and walk away. Drink yourself into a coma for days and days and days. "

Farewell.

"The coffins point northeast and we continue our way through the light. One lays isolated amungst a vast land of green, of firmiliarity, of home. Something so frail, has the ability to be taken away too soon, unsuspecting. It is carefully placed, as it is carefully put away. One is only left to think of your outcome, and your being. You have made an escape and you want to journey outward. We gather, and we celebrate you, and your being. You are surrounded by firmiliarity, you are home. "

"Why don't you just get over me?"

"She told me that even if she marries someone else, she'd still be thinking of me. If even she has children and starts a family, she'd still be thinking of me. She left and has yet to come back, yet she said she'd still be thinking of me. She told me she found someone else, she's bound to make a name for herself in college, so now do you still think of me? Were you a liar, or were you just getting too ahead of yourself, with all this talk about thinking of me. We catch up on a monthly basis, and talk about small conversation, and I'm waiting, to see what you'll say. If you'll break from the boring chatter, and express how you've been feeling years after, you made this mistake. Do you wonder, like I wonder, because I don't think there's any other explaination as to why you wouldn't be thinking of me."

However many years old.

"Well how young are we really?
Based upon the thought of life expectancy?
If we die too soon, we just got old too quick.
Now I don't know about you,
But who really wants to see tomorrow,
When you can barely eat, when it gets harder to breathe?
If you could do me a favor,
and show me the way out,
I would appreciate it"

I am only so tall.

"Discouraging nights lead on to long mornings, and it's sometimes where I don't want to wake up at all. You arrive home, defeated, and you can't do anything about it. I fall asleep unsatisfied and unfulfilled, oh how I wish you weren't here. I dream of happier times, where we smile, and are careless throughout the nights, we laugh, and we embrace. These are mere dreams, something that has no physical substance, it's only a thought, and it washes away with reality. I wish to slip from this reality and enjoy myself, be one with where I really want to be. Would that make you think any less of me?"

Golden Years.

"Be happy with your new found friendships, I'm sure there as artificial as the next is.
You'll travel far in life with a personality like that, as open as a window, legs like a doorway.
You make me sick, but there's no way of telling you now, thousands of miles away.
I could ask you how do you live with yourself, but it's easy to ignore me and hang up.
I could ask you how do you sleep at night, and you'd reply, with a different stranger every night.
It's a new found attention, a whole other direction, all included in your growing up process.
I hope you know you're not happy, you're not learning anything, you're just pushing yourself down.
You don't know what it's like to feel, so you'll over react.
You don't what it's like to be accepted, so you try and you're in, is this really what you're looking for? Could you see yourself for a moment now, or are you too busy?"

You wanted ambition, you wanted a future.

"Are we stairing at the times where the only thing affordable to do is death? Where living is a problem, and turned into unbareable, assumed to have no end. It's only said to get worse in this day and age, said that we missed the boat on the golden years. The years that held their weight in gold, when gold had true value. Now we settle for metals, anything to look like the real thing. We're told it's about how seems, and to pick up on acting. How else are we supposed to keep our spirits high? A new car, a new outfit, new life? It's not financially stable enough for us, the bank could put a foreclosure on the house. When I get fired, will unemployment be enough? Going to take out lones on the ones that I love."

Spring broken open.

"The glass table you hoist yourself on is about a transparent as yourself. You are nothing new, you are nothing short of typical. We are the same generation, not the same person, we drift apart. To grace through a life where everything is text book, everything is achievable, and everything is predictable, is not a life at all. You may be blindfolded for the time being, assume what you're doing is right because that's what surrounds you. You are nothing to envy, I would rather be poor, hungry, and unstable than live a life of complacency. You are nothing but a subject inside a course, you are placed into your start, and you are placed in your finish. With no struggle comes no gain, no life lesson, no true knowledge, you are left without experience nor true achievment. You are millions upon millions upon millions, you assimilate into the majority, you are everything, and I am comfortably nothing."

I needed you, now you needed me.

"Tell the police to stay on hold,
Because I just really can't get enough of you.
It doesn't matter how long they could put me away,
Something about this made my day.
One thing I'm certain of,
We did, we did, yes we did."

Enter; self destruction.

"If this isn't what you had planned, then I don't know what you expect from me. A night of unwanted advances, a night of assumed romance. You and I had ideas, and wanted to go somewhere far. Instead we settled for disappointing one another. "Is this your first time?" is what I had heard, and failed to acknowledge. I walk amongst the same road nearly every week, another partner is another figure, and nothing more to me. Ever since I lost the only thing worth keeping in memory, it's been nothing but abuse. My body goes one way as my mind goes another, and they conflict. It leads me to regret, and I can't help but punish myself. I need to be stable, I need to be controlled, but I have no hold, nothing to weigh me down."

Who Am I, Without You.

"The town has prying eyes and they want to know,
If you're going to make it alright.
I mean we never know the outcome,
Don't know what you'd run from.
Wherever you are, we know,
That you're somewhere else,
Or maybe not.
Maybe you're stuck in the black,
Shut off for the time being.
It's so abnormal today.
So why wouldn't it be then.
This tough transition,
This grieving process,
Leaves the heads swimming.
It leaves our thoughts to get tired,
And our minds,
Start to drown."

Dollar Sign of the Times.

"Good morning America's aspiring mothers,
They've held captive, your future sons and daughters.
Cry for you, it's all I can do,
When you're up to your neck in expired medicine.
Insurance is too much, not handing it out for free.
Hide in the dumpster and find your cure,
Scour the depths for something sure.
The lights run dim, your electricity's out.
Goodnight."

January 29th, you're alone.

"You sleep alone in your day old apartment.
I'm not too sorry that I had to leave,
I tend to bite the hand that feeds.
You have no heat in your apartment.
Your blankets will be the only thing,
To keep you warm tonight.
That's if you can actually sleep,
Without crying to me,
If you don't throw a fit,
and call me over and over again.

And now don't you regret all of this?
Traded in a night out with your friends for me.
But you had to go and change that,
You had to go and open your mouth.
Nothing good really ever comes out.
You set your expectations so high,
Only to feel so low.
But I can't say that I feel sorry for you."

And after all these months.

"Try and look for the love in my eyes,
Now blind me.
I can't read your lips,
but I'm sure it's mouthing "I hate you."
I tried to hold onto you, I fell.
I tried to talk to you, I failed.
I'm going to be on this small inside,
It'll be the first day of the rest of my life.
In this bed, I'll stay in unrest.
I never needed this."

You are the air.

"So he's pretty confused. He basically just threw away most of his teenage years. When it turned around to look back at him, with blue glaring eyes that begged for another chance he saw right through them. He felt sick to his stomach, it took him years to realize that now he spent so much time on nothing. He spent his years with a human that has the traits of the air. It went where ever it was forced, it had no definite shape or form, it had nothing to offer but a touch you could only truely feel with bare skin. A feel that you can avoid, a feel that you have control over at most times, where you sometimes long for it, or where you sometimes dread it, a feeling that will never pierce you. The effect it will cause will stay too busy being on the surface, no matter how much you try to let it in, it will escape you. You may think it will always be there, but one day you will lose it and feel the same touch from a different gust of wind. A different era, a different time, a different period in your life where you will run into the open and know that it will find you, and that you feel is in your position. It will come full circle in the most minimal and unsatisfying way possible, It will never leave you, but it will bring you nothing, it'll leave you nothing, in the end you'll realize that it is and was all nothing."

Try, stop, try, stop, etc.

"She made me feel like expulsion
She made me feel set aside
Oh and she asked me
If I was the jealous type

How could I feel normal
With her hand on my wrist
Then she asked me, oh she asked me
Do you want to exist

My first step into water
Feeling reborn again
Go for seconds, go for thirds
It never had an end
But then my legs broke
I couldn't go for a swim
You couldn't help me
Watched me drown
Too many times to stay in

So now my sheets still
Smell just like you
I'll never wash it
Lay in my filth
If that's what I have to do
Make up for lost time
Make up for warped minds
Oh pick me up, oh pick me up
Oh take me with me you"

You're going somewhere.

"You lost all your friends, all two of them.
I can't say that I feel sorry for you, because you lost me too.
I don't talk to you anymore, but I bet your life is far worse than mine.
No matter how much money or materials are between us, you're miserable.
I can't really sympathize for you, because you don't deserve that too.
You don't think, you don't think, that's your problem, you don't think.
Look at where this has got you now, you're alone, I think, I hope.
You sleep alone, you live alone, still.
This is what you deserve."

Lone.

"Now recently deceased to the thought of commitment.
Only taking what I feel that I need for the moment.
In my life, there's no one else, it's an escape made for myself.
It's my own little personal hell, that I seek help in.
When I go to sleep alone, I'm satisfied for about eight hours.
Waking up with thoughts that have the ability, to devour, my day.
Call me wrenched, call me vile, call me pathetic, but you're still nothing, to me.
Whatever you want to think, I wouldn't dare reciprocate, because you'll never be in my thoughts.
It's just the same, it's another day, I'm just another phone call away.
We all have a fix, we all bathe in it."

Wake up.

"You're all awake because something is troubling you.
It's 2am and you still can't sleep, you don't plan on it.
You still replay the voice in your head "Stop acting childish" and it won't leave you alone.
All you want for right now is to be left alone, even when by yourself.
You can't stop yourself from annoying yourself."

First post.

Well someone suggested that I should make a blog of my writings and whatnot, so I figured why not.

• You have the option to not read what I have wrote, so don't complain.
• Criticism is welcome.
• Just about every day I write, so I'll be posting my writings quite frequently.